fictional narratives

Queen,

Let’s fix your crown. I needed mine fixed in the worst way a few months ago. I wish I had this blog post to talk me through a battle. A battle, I created…internally…that wasn’t REAL.

I created a fictional narrative.

I told myself a story that someone didn’t like me. That this person was throwing shade my way. That I was the victim. I was attacked. It was about me.

Now, I don’t know that it wasn’t about me. It very well could have been. But the ‘shade’ doesn’t matter. My response to it does. I called a friend and vented. Even if it wasn’t about me, I had a systemic reaction to it. I connected to it. I felt it.

So I pulled back. I stopped posting on social media for over a week.

Why?

I wrote a fictional narrative. In my head, this person hated me. They didn’t like me. They no longer respected me. They weren’t cheering me on like I had thought. They didn’t fix my crown.

I was so insecure. So vulnerable.

I needed time to reflect. Was anyone gaining from my posts? What was I really giving my followers? Did they get something from me every time they watched my story or visited my website? Am I providing value or filler content?

Honestly, it made me better at my job. BUT I told myself this person was sending me negative energy when they probably weren’t. How often do we do this to ourselves? Tell ourselves a false story to fill in gaps.

I did it again last week.

I got an influx of followers and one name stopped me dead in my tracks. ( Due to my own insecurities from a past life.) I was convinced there were screenshots in a group chat making fun of me.

CONVINCED.

Well, guess what… it was a false narrative. They were cheering me on. They enjoyed my content…enough to reach out and tell me so.

GUYS I WAS SO STRESSED. For no dang reason. It was all in my head.

Tell me you have done this.

Do you tell yourself you are not losing weight because it’s ‘hard’ or do you create the narrative that it is hard?

Or do you think the girl who looks at you in the gym is judging you… she probably isn’t hating on you, she probably likes your pants…or your biceps. We project our insecurities onto others, and write these untrue and unfair stories in our head.

These stories we carry weigh us down. They break us down.

On the bright side, I was able to turn situation one in to feedback to make my content better. But for weeks I was so hard on myself. I was beating myself up. I wasn’t sleeping. I let someone’s potential opinion of me dictate my behavior.

That’s insane right?

I know, I know. I’m not proud of it. But it happened and I have learned from it. I am growing from it. I am better for it.

Before you write a story in your head, approach it with logic and self love. The reality is probably much sweeter than the fiction in your head.

I hope this helps just one person, and even if it doesn’t, it’s the post I so desperately needed when I was hard on myself.

xoxo,

K