College Tips: Failing

Keeping with the College Tips theme I have going on this week, today I want to talk about something that I never thought I would be comfortable enough to share with you. The other day I read a quote that really resinated with me. It said something along the lines of a toddler falls hundreds of times while learning to walk, but they never think that walking isn’t for them. Think about it. How many times does a baby get uber frustrated with trying to learn how to crawl or walk, but they keep trying. Why? Because they don’t understand self doubt and they don’t understand negativity. All that baby sees and hears are the people they love cheering them on…they only see the positive.

Last fall, after trying my very hardest, I failed. I failed a nursing class and it rocked my world. Well, to be technical, I withdrew from the class so i didn’t actually get below a 76 (the required grade to pass a class in my program) on my transcript. Making the decision to stick it out and give it my all or to withdraw and try again next semester was gut wrenching. I met with teachers and my advisor. I talked to everyone I knew trying to get advise. After I cried myself to sleep for a week I make decision to pull myself out, come up to the surface for air and try again in the spring, this time, prepared.

The class is called Complex Adult Heath…think ICU, multiple organ dysfunction syndrome, sepsis, etc. It was the most overwhelming two months of my life. I was studying until 3am then waking up for class at 5am. I was working two jobs (because I wanted to not for the extra cash). It was far too much. I was grasping the information and I was able to apply it to my patients at clinical without hesitation but the exam questions caused me to second guess myself an it destroyed my confidence. I should also mention that my grade was based only on how I performed on four exams, not my skills on the floor…the reasoning being it preps us for our state boards (NCLEX).

The day I withdrew felt like waking up from a nightmare. I was calmer and more relaxed, but I didn’t get lazy. I still went to every single lecture. I took notes and made outlines. I kept up with the class as if I was still fighting for a passing grade. It was like getting a preview into what I would be facing next semester. I could ask my peers who were successful in the course how they studied and test it out before I my grades counted. During winter break I studied every lecture from my first go round.

The first exam I got an 82. The next an 80. I was thriving in clinical, giving meds to three patients and applying all the skill from lab, knowledge from class and the time management from experience. Slowly but surely I earned my confidence back. I ended up getting an 85 on the final…which honestly was UNREAL. I did it. I passed the hardest class I had ever taken…one that totally destroyed me a few months before. I had never been more excited in my life.

Failing taught me how to dust myself off and get back in the ring.  I no longer feared failure because I learned how to handle it. Every failure is a learning opportunity, a chance to evaluate your mistakes and to improve. Failing, oddly enough, made me more confident. Failing a test or a class isn’t the end of the world.Failing, I think, teaches you more than succeeding. I had very little trouble in nursing school up to that point. I studied, I got good grades and it wasn’t all that hard. But failing taught me to problem solve and get to the root of my short comings.

Alright guys…Im off to watch SVU, sip on some sleepy time tea and go to sleep because I’m a 23 year old grandma.

xoxo,

K