Boundaries, or a lack of them, are probably my biggest weakness. I am a ‘Yes’ Girl to a fault. Even when it’s inconvenient or something I really don’t want to do. I, used to, always say yes regardless of how little sleep I was going to get or how ridiculous the request may have been. During the extensive work I did on myself over the past couple of months I learned it is OKAY to say no, AND not give a reason why.
“Can you walk on water, eat fire and then birth a litter of puppies in the next 34 minutes?”
Obviously this is an exaggeration, but it’s not far from texts I have gotten from a host of different people over the years. Of course none of these people started off with outlandish request, but after years of doing a ton of tiny favors it built up to a level of madness.
There was one common factor on all of these boundary-less relationships…me. A lack of boundaries was the main in all of my stressors, whether it be school, work or at home. As a chronic ‘People Pleaser’ I had to fight the urge to ‘Yes’ every favor asked of me or invite I got. Long story short, you can’t be everything to everyone. Trust me. I did it, in every aspect of my life for years.
I needed crazy amounts of coffee to get through the day and OTC sleeping meds to help my mind calm at night. At height of my Yessing/People Pleasing, I was so stressed and over worked that I began having heart palpitations. My stress/caffeine intake was literally causing my heart to skip beats. That was when I decided enough was enough…sort of.
I was waking up at 3am for school and not coming home until 8:30pm. School. Work. Gym. Study. Repeat.
It took months for me to slowly gain control back. Here is the thing, when people are used to you dropping everything to help them, when you start saying no it’s difficult for others to swallow. I got a lot of backlash. Not verbally but I could feel people distancing themselves. This was of course stressful for me.
I said no to getting certified in fitness fads I didn’t believe in. I said no to dinner or hitting the bars with friends when I knew I needed to sleep. I said no to working long hours when I had an exam the next week. All of these examples at things I would have, and have said yes to, knowing it was going to cause me a great deal of unnecessary stress.
I said ‘Yes’ to meditation, exercise and SLEEP. I said yes to collecting content for the blog I have been dreaming of for years. I said yes to things to help me be a better version of myself, things I would never have tried six months ago. I started seeing a Reiki/Energy Doctor.
I am still so new to this level of boundary setting. Baby steps are hella important. I feel like I am in a place now where, after months of practice, I can say no when I know it is the best choice for me.
Please tell me I’m not the People Pleaser on the planet… Im totally down for any more tips//tricks. Leave me a note.
xoxo,
K
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